i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
