You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
