i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
