If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
