you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
