we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We're too hungover to prance.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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