Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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