when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
