wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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