So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
