im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
