I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize