WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize