I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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