all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
