you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Drake has all the answers
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
