guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
