i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
