so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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