New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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