My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
