I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
