i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
