tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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