If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
