you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
