if you like me you must not know who I am
are you so shy because you have an std?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
