I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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