ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
