Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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