guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
