i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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