why didn't you poke me back
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
