I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
