There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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