Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
