just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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