Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
