in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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