I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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