Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
