He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
