john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize