I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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