Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
