Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize