I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
