brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this beer tastes like vomit already
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
