My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
