It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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