My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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