I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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