I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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