i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
