just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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