When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
