pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
