im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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