4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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