He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
