This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
