Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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