The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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