can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
