I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
