she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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