You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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