I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
