Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
