i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
