i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
