So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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