i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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