Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
