She's JV to your varsity
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Randomize
