The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My vagina is officially offended.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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