is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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