I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
