they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize