I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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