I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
