i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize