How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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