I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
