cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
