College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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