so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
