you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
