i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
