we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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