Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
