the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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