"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
