never play flip cup with pint glasses
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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