God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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