How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize