im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
