Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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