I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
