When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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