I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
