kristin has been a bad kristin
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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