can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize