I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
