I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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