I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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