I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize