Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
