Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
