I accidentally burped into my bong.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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