Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
