What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
