I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
